personal reflection
another writing about travel excerpt…this was just a random personal reflection thing, not about a certain country.
Semester at Sea. What a strange and foreign idea that was when I was just browsing around looking for study abroad programs. “That must be awesome!” I thought, not even giving it any real consideration.
It is absolutely bizarre that I actually made it here. And I have already been to four different ports. I have made good friends, I have had crazy times, and I have taken some pictures. But is it anything like I thought it would be? No. I’m not even acting how I thought I would act.
I had in my mind that I was going to be able to let loose more than I do in regular life, but instead I found myself (sometimes) clamming up and being about as awkward as I was in middle school. All the newfound self confidence I had at home in Knoxville was suddenly stripped away and I was forced to find it again. Maybe I’m still sort of looking for it. I’m generally pretty content with life and with myself. But I realize that I need to be more willing to break out and try to get to know new people, even if I think I won’t like them. I find myself quickly putting people into boxes that I know I wouldn’t like to be put into myself. Sometimes I’m too defensive, and I assume that people will automatically not like me.
Then I remember that I need to cool down and stop worrying so much. I am on a boat traveling around the world. Just because I haven’t had some sudden life changing experience doesn’t mean I’m doing everything wrong. It just takes me some time to get to know people. I’m not too concerned with making lots of acquaintances; I would rather have just a few close friends. I know that you can learn a lot from getting to know a lot of different people, but it has just never been my thing to be friends with everyone around.
I shaved my head and I went skydiving with people I had never met before. I realize these are things that not everyone would do. I guess I’ve got the independence thing down. I suppose I’m pretty comfortable looking in the mirror and seeing no hair and usually no makeup. I have come a long way since my silly high school days, but Semester at Sea really has had nothing to do with that. I just wonder what kind of adjustments I will make when I go back home because of what I learn and experience here.
There are so many statistics, movies, lectures, etc. to make us “open our eyes” to things in the world. This is good, don’t get me wrong. But I already think about these kinds of things way too much on a normal basis. I don’t need to keep piling up all the wrongdoings in the world; I’m already overwhelmed with what I knew before I came here. I feel a little bit like we are being taken around and being exposed to so many things, but its like we are looking through a glass case, and we can’t really do much, at least from the ship. I have had a couple of days of being a little weighed down with how much is wrong with the world, but then again I can do that to myself just from home. I guess I’m just cynical, I don’t know. One thing I’m sure of is that I do not want to become so cynical that I feel hopeless. I have experienced many positive things, too. Although it would be hard to tell from this paper, my experience here is mostly positive. There is just kind of a delicate line between being able to have a great time and forgetting that there are still things to change.
